How I Lost My Identity to Parenthood and Gradually Rediscovered Myself

      When I became Ducky's (Lucas-Grey's) Dada, my entire existence changed in ways I could never have truly anticipated. Everything—my routine, my priorities, my aspirations—began to revolve around him. I willingly surrendered my time, sleep, and energy. And honestly? I have never resented it, and still don’t. Loving him so completely felt as natural as breathing. However, amidst the delightful chaos of washing bottles, reading bedtime stories, and taking early morning walks, I recognized that I had gradually started to put myself aside. The aspects of me that once completed me—my passions, my personal style, my self-care habits (oh, how I stopped my biweekly manicures and pedicures)—were being crammed into whatever little moments I could find.

      He deserves to know the version of me that still prioritizes myself, who still discovers happiness outside of being "Dada." He deserves to see that nurturing someone else’s brightness doesn’t require dimming your own. It all began with small moments. Opting for my favorite loafers or my beloved mules instead of just any shoes near the door. Choosing the stylish flip-flops that made me feel polished on days we walked to get coffee or explored the park. It meant saying yes to outfits that made me feel good—casual yet intentional—even if Ducky was the only one who would see me that day. It was about setting aside a few quiet minutes to read a book or magazine, listen to an episode of my favorite podcast, or indulge in my skincare routine while enjoying the joyful soundtrack of splashes and giggles during his bath time (oh, how I cherish those moments). Through those small choices, I began to feel more like myself again. Not the old version of myself, but a more complete, grounded one. Parenthood does change you, indeed. But it shouldn’t erase you.

      Self-care doesn't always manifest as grand gestures anymore. Sometimes it's a few moments of silence before everyone wakes up. Sometimes it’s treating myself to an iced matcha or latte alone and walking a bit slower to savor the experience of breathing at my own pace. Sometimes it's simply allowing myself to dream about things unrelated to diapers, meal planning, or milestones. Remarkably, Ducky notices.

      He recognizes a Dada who laughs more, moves more freely, and greets him with an open and energized heart. He even sees a Dada who has learned all the dance moves to his favorite episode of Elmo. Society often tells parents that true love means constant sacrifice. But I’m discovering that balance is what truly matters—the interplay between being fully present for your child while also nurturing your own inner self. Ducky isn’t only showing me how to be a good parent; he’s teaching me the significance of being true to myself in the journey. To remember that style, self-care, and self-love are not luxuries; they are essentials. Our children ought to know the vibrant, passionate individuals who raise them. They should see us thriving, not merely surviving.

      So, to every parent reading this: It’s perfectly okay to claim your space. It’s okay to wear that outfit. It’s okay to pursue that dream. It’s okay to care for your own heart while also embracing theirs. Because when we remember who we are, we give our children the permission to remember who they are, too. Every day, as I put on my loafers, step into my mules, or slide into my favorite flip-flops with Ducky by my side, I’m reminded that we’re both growing—together.