Is Going "No Contact" Truly the Most Effective Method to Move On? We Consulted Experts

      Breakups are challenging. Whether it's the end of a situationship that lacked a clear definition or parting ways with someone you believed was your soulmate—letting go is always tough. It's understandable that many individuals have resorted to "Banksying" and are embracing a commitment-free lifestyle more than ever. Yet, in my view, the most difficult type of breakup is the one that seemingly never concludes. Perhaps you find yourself caught in an on-and-off cycle, unable to ignore those 2 a.m. messages, or maybe you’re frequently checking their Instagram as if it’s your job. Regardless of the situation, that lingering attachment may be what hinders your ability to fully move on.

      This is where the no contact rule becomes relevant. At times, the healthiest choice is to completely disengage—no texting, no calling, and certainly no checking their social media. It can be a significant step toward healing post-breakup or even distancing yourself from a toxic family member or friend. But is this truly the most effective way to move on? Or might it leave you with more questions than closure? I consulted experts at Manhattan Wellness to uncover the truth behind the no contact rule. Below, we’ll explore what it entails, how long it should last, its effectiveness, and whether it’s suitable for you.

      MEET THE EXPERT

      Elizabeth Marks, LCSW

      As a therapist at Manhattan Wellness, Elizabeth possesses a broad range of experience addressing various mental health issues, including but not limited to depression, anxiety, adjustment challenges, PTSD, and sexual identity. Her approach is centered on a strengths-based perspective tailored to meet YOUR specific needs. If you're grappling with relationship issues, self-doubt, heightened anxiety, or depressive symptoms, Elizabeth serves as a supportive partner through life's ups and downs.

      The no contact rule is straightforward—completely severing all forms of communication with someone, whether physically, emotionally, or digitally. This means no texting, no “just checking in,” and definitely no snooping on their social media. Elizabeth Marks from Manhattan Wellness says this also involves getting rid of items like old photos, keepsakes, or shared playlists—essentially anything that could reopen old wounds or trigger thoughts of them unexpectedly. “No contact is about intentionally redirecting your energy toward new goals,” Marks states. “Rather than clinging to ‘what ifs,’ it’s a choice to prioritize yourself.”

      Individuals choose to go no contact to establish genuine distance from someone. Marks explains that this interrupts the cycle of emotional ups and downs that once drew you back into relationships with that ex-partner. For instance, if seeing their name on your phone instantly evokes feelings of anxiety or distress, implementing no contact can help prevent a panic response, stopping you from re-engaging in conversations that lead to arguments all over again. When you're constantly reminded of someone, it’s challenging to create the space needed to heal. Therefore, no contact allows you to detox emotionally, reset, and focus on your well-being.

      There's no universal timeline for the no contact rule. For some, particularly those exiting a toxic or abusive relationship, it may be a permanent solution. However, that isn't always necessary. A 30/60/90 plan can assist you in determining the duration of no contact based on your needs, according to Marks. Here’s a breakdown of the plan:

      - 30 days: This serves as a hard reset, helping you break the habit and resist the urge to reach out.

      - 60 days: This period can bring heightened emotions, but it also marks the beginning of healing. Use this time to reflect and mourn.

      - 90 days: At this stage, you can start to rebuild your confidence and trust that their presence no longer holds power over you.

      After 90 days, you decide whether to re-establish contact. Perhaps you seek closure or clarity, or maybe you’d like them back in your life in some way. Healing isn’t a linear journey, and experiences vary for each person. Some might find clarity sooner, while others may require more time. The key is to honor your emotional needs and take it one day at a time.

      When approached for the right motives, the no contact rule can undoubtedly aid in your healing. Sometimes a period of separation is necessary to sever ties definitively. Being constantly reminded of someone's actions or thoughts through social media, texts, or calls can make moving on feel impossible. That saying, “out of sight, out of mind”? It’s very accurate.

      However, it becomes ineffective if used as a manipulation strategy. “If your true aim is not to move forward, but rather to elicit a response from your partner, you remain tied to their reaction, which continues the negative cycle,” Marks clarifies. She also highlights that no contact won’t be effective if some level of situational contact is unavoidable, such as in co-parenting or working together. In such cases, establishing strong and firm boundaries is crucial for allowing yourself