Is "No Contact" Truly the Most Effective Method to Move On? We Consulted Experts

      Breakups are challenging. Whether you're ending a situation that lacked a clear label or saying goodbye to someone you believed was your soulmate, letting go is never simple. It's unsurprising that many individuals have embraced “Banksying” and are steering clear of commitment more than ever. However, in my view, the most difficult type of breakup is the one that seems perpetual. Perhaps you find yourself in a cycle of intermittent relationships and can’t resist responding to those late-night texts. Or maybe you’re obsessively checking their Instagram as if it were your day job. Whatever the case, that lingering attachment could be what's hindering your ability to truly move on.

      This is where the no contact rule becomes relevant. Often, the healthiest choice is to distance yourself—no texts, no calls, no social media stalking. This can be a significant step toward healing after a breakup, or even when severing ties with a toxic family member or friend. But is this really the most effective way to move forward? Or can it result in more questions than closure? I consulted experts at Manhattan Wellness to uncover the truth about the no contact rule. In the following sections, we will explore what it entails, its duration, its effectiveness, and whether it’s suitable for you.

      MEET THE EXPERT

      Elizabeth Marks, LCSW

      As a therapist at Manhattan Wellness, Elizabeth has developed a diverse background while addressing a variety of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, adjustment challenges, PTSD, and sexual identity. Her method emphasizes a strengths-based approach tailored to fit YOUR needs. If you're facing difficulties with relationships, self-doubt, heightened anxiety, or depressive symptoms, Elizabeth can be a supportive partner throughout life's ups and downs.

      The no contact rule is exactly what it sounds like—completely cutting off all contact with someone physically, emotionally, and even digitally. This means no texting, no "just checking in," and certainly no snooping on their social media. Elizabeth Marks, LCSW at Manhattan Wellness, notes that this also involves removing items like old photos, keepsakes, or shared playlists—essentially anything that might reopen emotional wounds or trigger thoughts of them. “No contact is about consciously redirecting your energy toward new goals,” Marks explains. “Instead of holding onto ‘what ifs,’ it’s a conscious choice to prioritize yourself.”

      People often choose no contact to genuinely distance themselves from someone. Marks describes this as a way to “interrupt the emotional surges that have previously pulled you back into patterns with your ex.” For instance, if their name on your phone instantly overwhelms you, going no contact would help prevent your instinct to panic and engage in another argument. If you're frequently reminded of someone, you're not truly allowing yourself the space to heal. Thus, no contact provides the opportunity to detox emotionally, reset, and prioritize your peace.

      The no contact rule doesn't have a standardized timeline. For some, particularly those leaving a toxic or abusive relationship, it may need to be permanent. However, this isn’t always essential. According to Marks, a 30/60/90 plan can assist you in determining how long you want or need to implement no contact. Here’s the breakdown:

      30 days: This is your reset phase, where you break old habits and resist the urge to reach out.

      60 days: This period is often marked by emotional upheaval but also initiates healing. Use this time to reflect and mourn.

      90 days: By this time, you can rebuild confidence and start to realize their presence no longer holds power over you.

      After 90 days, the decision of whether to reconnect is yours. You may want closure, clarity, or to allow them back into your life in some form. Healing isn't a straightforward process; it's unique for everyone. Some may find clarity sooner, while others may require much more time. The key is to honor your emotional needs and take it one day at a time.

      If applied for the right reasons, the no contact rule can be incredibly beneficial for healing. Sometimes, separation is necessary to sever ties effectively. Being constantly reminded of someone through social media, texts, or calls can make moving on feel impossible. The saying, “out of sight, out of mind,” rings true.

      However, if used as a manipulation tactic, it’s not effective. “If the intention is to avoid moving forward and instead to make the partner pursue you, then you remain tied to their reaction, and the mental energy still fuels negative patterns,” Marks clarifies. She also points out that no contact won't work if you cannot avoid situational contact, such as co-parenting or sharing a workplace. In such situations, it’s crucial to establish strong boundaries that allow you the necessary space and time to heal.

      How to determine if it’s suitable for you

      If you’re attempting to exit a toxic or codependent relationship, following the no contact rule may be precisely what is needed. Though challenging, it can effectively break unhealthy cycles and foster safe