I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self.

I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self.

      I hadn't taken a pleasure trip alone in over two years since becoming a mother. Prior to that, it was a frequent activity that grounded me and made me feel independent. Amid the routines, responsibilities, and dedicating my time to others, I realized I hadn’t taken the time to care for myself in quite a while. Determined not to succumb to "mom guilt," I chose to embark on a solo retreat in nature, selecting Mountain Shadows Resort in Scottsdale as my destination. I went with no expectations, no pressure—just the desire for space and to touch the earth (though it was really desert sand). My intention wasn't to "find myself," but rather to reconnect with who I used to be. I discovered that the small moments were what truly revitalized me. Here’s how this busy parent managed to slow down.

      Honestly, I had hyped myself up about this experience. When I learned that the hotel provided "phone lock boxes" in each room, I imagined going entirely off the grid. While it didn't exactly turn out that way, I did come close. I began to resist the urge to check my phone during quiet moments and let myself just exist. Initially, it felt odd, as though I was missing something. Over time, however, the mental chatter quieted. I checked in with my family occasionally to ensure everything was fine back East. I had a few work calls and meetings, but afterward, I would switch my phone to airplane mode or put it away, which is unusual for someone like me—an NYC fashion mom who is self-employed. Without the constant scrolling, I became more aware of my thoughts and feelings, and I even noticed how time seemed to slow down. It made me realize how detached I had grown from myself and the present moment without even recognizing it.

      One of the intentions I set for my trip was to allow myself to receive rather than give. This turned out to be more challenging than it might seem, despite being a Leo who enjoys receiving gifts. My mind often races, balancing a demanding and evolving career, an energetic toddler, and a relationship that needs nurturing, all while managing an endless to-do list. Juggling all of this can make it difficult to find clarity. Upon discovering that the resort offered in-room reiki and sound baths through their Citizens Curator program, I booked a session immediately. I started with Goodnight Reiki on my first night—a 50-minute calming mediation and Reiki experience designed to alleviate overstimulation, lessen emotional overwhelm, and ready the body for genuine rest. I fell asleep during the session and remained asleep throughout the night. I can't remember the last time I experienced such restorative rest or even managed to sleep through an entire night. On my final day, I concluded the trip with a sound bath before dinner. The tranquility of the sound bath allowed me to release unknown burdens I had been carrying and provided clarity on many unresolved thoughts. Though I didn't have an earth-shattering revelation, I did feel lighter, more open, clearer, and more empowered—like something had shifted within me, even if I can't fully articulate it yet.

      I’ll admit that I'm guilty of neglecting what I eat when I'm busy. I typically skip meals or grab whatever is readily available, which is not always the healthiest choice. As someone who delights in food and values fine dining, I’ve found little time to indulge in nice meals lately. There’s a distinct difference when you actually savor the experience of eating. No rushing, no multitasking; just consciously nourishing my body. Therefore, I made a point to be mindful of my meals during this trip. The open kitchen concept at Hearth ’61 helped remind me of the intention behind meal preparation and the care involved, making my dining experience even more pleasurable. I opted for more protein while ordering, likely a lingering thought from my last doomscroll before I locked my phone away. Enjoying meals at a leisurely pace allowed me to realize how often I treat them as an afterthought. Slowing down reminded me that self-care doesn’t have to be complex—just consistent.

      In addition to taking time to relish my meals, treating myself to solo dates enhanced the experience. I dressed up for no one but myself, which felt significant. When I’m not dressed for work, I’m usually running errands or doing school pick-up looking far from my best (which has never been my style). Dressing up for myself during this trip wasn’t about impressing anyone; there were no work events, cameras, or photo opportunities involved. It was about acknowledging that I am entitled to feel beautiful, confident, and seen—even when no one is watching—especially during those moments.

      Like many busy parents, I struggle to find time for exercise; I'm certainly not alone in this. The demands of my schedule, caregiving duties, and limited personal time often hinder my ability to incorporate physical activity, which has traditionally been very important to me. While I understand that exercise is crucial for my mental well-being

I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self. I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self. I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self. I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self. I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self. I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self. I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self. I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self. I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self. I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self. I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self. I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self.

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I'm a mother who embarked on my first solo retreat—here’s all that I went through to rediscover my sense of self.

"It appears that it's the small gestures that brought me back."