Is "No Contact" Really the Most Effective Way to Move On? We Consulted Experts.

      Breakups can be challenging. Whether it’s from a situationship that lacked a clear definition or someone you believed was your soulmate—moving on is never simple. It's not surprising that many individuals have begun to embrace "Banksying," avoiding commitments more than ever. However, in my view, the most difficult type of breakup is the one that feels endless. Perhaps you're caught in a cycle of breaking up and getting back together, unable to ignore those late-night texts. Or maybe you're obsessively checking their Instagram like it's a full-time job. Whatever the case, that lingering connection might be what's hindering your ability to truly advance.

      This is where the no contact rule becomes important. Sometimes the healthiest choice is to walk away completely—no texts, no calls, no social media stalking. It’s a significant step towards healing after a breakup or even severing ties with a toxic family member or friend. But is it truly the most effective way to heal? Or could it leave you with more questions than resolutions? I spoke with experts from Manhattan Wellness to uncover the realities of the no contact rule. Up next, we’ll explore its meaning, duration, effectiveness, and whether it suits your situation.

      MEET THE EXPERT

      Elizabeth Marks, LCSW

      As a therapist at Manhattan Wellness, Elizabeth has a wealth of experience addressing various mental health issues, including, but not limited to, depression, anxiety, adjustment challenges, PTSD, and sexual identity. Her approach is individualized and focuses on a strengths-based perspective tailored to YOUR needs. If you're facing difficulties in relationships, struggling with self-doubt, or experiencing heightened anxiety or depressive symptoms, Elizabeth can be a supportive guide through life's complexities.

      The no contact rule is quite simple—completely cutting off all interactions with someone, whether physically, emotionally, or digitally. This means no texting, no “just checking in,” and definitely no snooping on their social media. According to Elizabeth Marks, LCSW at Manhattan Wellness, this also involves getting rid of items such as old pictures, keepsakes, or shared playlists—anything that could reopen emotional wounds or trigger thoughts of them unexpectedly. “No contact is about intentionally redirecting your energy towards new goals,” Marks explains. “Rather than fixating on 'what ifs,' it’s a commitment to prioritize yourself.”

      People choose no contact to establish genuine distance from another individual. Marks highlights that this approach “disrupts the emotional rollercoaster that has previously drawn you back into patterns with this ex-partner.” For instance, if receiving a text from them causes immediate feelings of overwhelm or anxiety, opting for no contact stops you from panic responding, rekindling conversations, and getting into conflicts yet again. Constant reminders can impede your ability to move forward. Thus, no contact provides essential space for emotional detox, resetting, and prioritizing your own well-being.

      There is no one-size-fits-all timeline for the no contact rule. For some individuals—particularly those exiting toxic or abusive relationships—no contact may need to be a permanent choice. However, that is not always required. Establishing a 30/60/90 day plan can assist in determining how long to maintain no contact, as per Marks. Here’s how it works:

      30 days: This serves as your hard reset, breaking the habit and resisting the temptation to reach out.

      60 days: Emotions may intensify during this time, but healing also begins. It’s important to reflect and mourn during these days.

      90 days: At this stage, you can rebuild your confidence and recognize that their presence no longer holds power over you.

      After 90 days, the decision to reopen contact is yours. You may seek closure or clarity, or you could consider reintroducing them into your life in some way. Healing is not a straightforward journey and varies for each person. Some people might achieve clarity more quickly or require a longer period. The key is to honor your emotional needs and take things one day at a time.

      When pursued for the right reasons, the no contact rule can indeed support your healing process. Sometimes, all that’s required is a separation to sever ties permanently. Being continually reminded of someone's actions or thoughts via social media, texts, or calls can make moving on feel insurmountable. The adage, “out of sight, out of mind”? It's accurate.

      However, it becomes ineffective if used manipulatively. “If the true aim is not to move on and instead to make the partner pursue you, then you remain tethered to their reaction, perpetuating a negative dynamic,” Marks clarifies. Additionally, no contact doesn't work if contact is unavoidable, such as in co-parenting situations or workplace interactions. In such cases, establishing firm boundaries is crucial to allow you the space to heal.

      Determining if it’s right for you

      If you’re trying to exit a toxic or codependent relationship, adopting the no contact rule might be exactly what you need. It’s challenging but